The Mental Game

I used to have way more confidence about going over course work but lately, I've been second guessing myself a lot. I'd ride into jumps that were more of a challenge than previously... maybe with a tighter approach or a higher rail. But, I started hesitating and checking out, last minute. For weeks, that hasn't been an issue as I would sort it out and get over it. Was I nervous? Every time, I approached the "big scary fence" (BSF) and you could see me tense and just second guess myself as I push to go over.

Both my instructors have said that it's mostly a mental game, to get through a course or whatever it is. An experienced instructor can make the assessment about whether or not the rider can actually accomplish the said jump/movement with the horse, so it's really just left up to the rider to get over themselves. The thing is, communication is split second fast so you really need to know what you're doing up there. When +ADW found out that I fell, he knew exactly what happened: I lost my nerve, hesitated and chickened out last minute.

The course work for the day was modest and I started the lesson with really good spirits and felt confident that the course was flowing. The first four jumps were great--I felt in control, knew where I was going and Bonsi followed me right through and it was fantastic. But, coming off the third jump, I knew I was getting nervous about that last jump--first mistake. Second mistake, I started to feel unbalanced and out of control and was panicking about bringing us back together. Third mistake, I checked out mentally and let Bonsi take over. You can see from the diagram below, the sequence of jumps laid out. I started panicking after jump 3. Then, the pink line shows where I deeked out last minute, instead of following through with the purple. I did manage it a few times prior, at the trot but the canter just freaked me right out.

After deeking out at E, I don't know what I was thinking (I wasn't) and we cut across the arena and then I wanted to go right but Bons knew that he simply couldn't fit between the wall and jump at B so that's where we parted ways and I flew into the wall and he continued towards M and C...

I'm physically tenderized and still recovering from the soft tissue damage sustained, when I slammed into the wall with my right shoulder and torqued my left knee. But the biggest challenge has been getting over BSJ mentally. The most recent lesson got me on Ariel and we were doing a couple low key jumps and again, I chickened out with a narrow jump that tests the accuracy of the approach (usually jumps are wide enough that there are few options to avoid them) and while nothing happened, it was definitely a flash of emotions and thought processes. I have gone over and over again, in my head, the approach of that BSJ that unseated me and I know I could have gone over it just fine... if I just committed to it and rode through. It isn't the first time I've had to recollect myself after a messy jump.

My heart wants to do it but my logical brain is repeatedly reminding me "oh no you can't! That's scary." I'm reminded of another part of my life where the goal is long-term and I have to keep my eye on the prize and not get distracted and make any last minute decisions away from my goal. Sure, the "jump" might not be pretty, but I have to try and do it anyway. If it's an epic fail, so be it. I gotta get into the (mental) game.

My Two School Masters

For my first horsey post for the year, I wanted to review my recent transition of changing horses and what my thoughts have been. I have returned to ride Ariel a couple lessons ago after riding Bons for several weeks. I honestly didn't think that there would be such a difference or adjustment mentally but I was surprised. I started jumping on Bons and doing a few very short (like 3 jumps) courses because I was still nervous. He's the complete opposite of Ariel in the way he rides where there is a lot more horse in front, underneath and even behind--it's like driving a bus. I did mentally graduate from needing to wear my riding vest but I still struggle with several other things.

Upon returning to ride Ariel, I immediately felt the difference: Ariel felt like a pony beneath me. Her neck is short and she's shorter in general. It suddenly felt odd and strange but I didn't take long to get back into the swing of things: they felt comfortable and practiced.

• Ariel will take that little X like it's a big X even at the trot. Bons will scoff at it and trot over like it was a trot pole.
• Ariel is excited to see me and comes to the paddock gate. Bons will take one look and walk to the far side of the paddock.
• Ariel is social and enjoys the company of humans. Bons could care less and would likely rather be doing his own thing.
• Ariel changes gait on a dime. Bons takes half the arena long side to transition down.
• Ariel is an 'uphill' horse and doesn't drag me down and forward. Bons is a 'heavy on the forehand' horse and will drag me forward without me even noticing.
• Ariel has the attitude of a typical female. Bons is a compliant gelding.
• Ariel hates face contact and prefers a rider to use their seat/leg. Bons likes seat/leg but doesn't get all worked up with facial man-handling by yours truly.
• Ariel is trained well but Bons is trained impeccably from birth.

I consider both to be fantastic school masters and I am learning differently from each of them. I have had a lot of time with Ariel and I look forward to continue riding her but I also recognize that Bons will push my learning and get past some of the other subjects like rein contact and the floaty warm-blood gaits. So, as this year starts up, I will be moving forward with a mixture of the old and new.

A ride with the Bonsi-Bus and a visit with Ms. Ariel

A photo posted by Deborah (@my_examined_life) on Jan 2, 2016 at 9:47am PST

Lesson #214, 215, 216: Gridwork After an Updated Perspective

Lately, I have less time than lately: I have a new job, hooray! In an effort to keep records for myself, all I can really remember from these three lessons is that I was working on jumping position through gridwork. I'm not sure if I'm the only one out there but I *heart* gridwork tonnes.

Gridwork is a progressive training system that uses poles and fences set at 
pre-determined distances. It teaches a horse to be athletic, accurate, quick thinking and confident; while improving their rhythm, balance, reactions, style and technique. Equally, it helps riders with their confidence, sense of rhythm, balance and distances. Sometimes it's easy to forget about good technique when you start doing courses--especially if you have some bad habits that you're trying to keep in check.

The various grids set up were all fences of varying distances and heights. No oxers or anything out of my comfort zone since I was focused on position riding into, over and out of jumps. The grids were simply set up on a straight line so there was no need to consider corners either! All we were thinking about was the ride in and the position over jumps. Ariel and I did pretty well and I was pleased with the way things turned out because I didn't have to concern myself about the turns and I was just focused on getting through a series of jumps and not a full course.

Again, pretty straight forward but I definitely have a different perspective following my lesson with A.

Lesson #213: Some Nitty Gritty to Get Excited About

The best instructors are forever students and want to keep learning by keeping people around them, whom they can learn from. On Tuesday, I had the opportunity to take a lesson from my instructor's coach!! *swoon* I wasn't sure if I should since it's considerably more expensive but I justified it as a "special lesson" and that I could use it to learn more about my situation and take the information and address what's keeping me behind.

I'll be referring to him as "A" and give you an idea of how awesome-sauce he is. First thing, he's German trained and has been riding since he was a kid and was vaulting by the time he was 10--if you can do a handstand on a cantering horse... I'd say you're pretty darn good. He has a centred calmness about him so when you meet him for the first time, you're not shaking in your breeches. He also relates to his students through appropriate illustrations on what he is trying to say, so they understand. And for someone like me, his technicality and sheer focus to the lesson tasks just draws me in even more.

We start the lesson with me puttering around doing what I would normally do, so he could get an idea of how I ride, where I am etc. Sheri and J told him that I am trying to sort out my inflexible hips/back and uneven seat. Because we all know, everything comes from the seat ;)

"A", on the walk
"A" immediately gets me back to basics... when Ariel and I walk, I should be swinging my legs, in tandem with her rib cage. Legs don't just dangle there. We work on this throughout the lesson any chance we walk. I am also asked to keep at least 1 metre off the rail... this is to ensure I have Ariel's attention because it doesn't give her the chance to lean on the rail--in short, we're doing what I want us to do. I try to stay straight too... yea, good luck. Ugh.

"A", on the trot
The trot isn't so bad except as the speed increases, so does the difficulty with keeping straight. "A" reminds me that I should be using my seat, not my hands: "Ariel stepped beneath you, to stay balanced. Can you feel that?," he says. For the first time, I notice that because I'm actually looking for it. In short, it's how you use your weight in your seat that is what "seat" is all about. I am asked to take my feet out of the stirrups and trot. Immediately, both seat bones drop and now my job is to get my pubic bone properly balanced too. The three points of our "seat" is what we are balancing on and the stirrups are not meant to act as a balance point (while on the flat anyway). "A" gets technically anatomical and tells me that the horse's 14th vertebrae is where our seat should be aiming to connect, or as close as possible.

I am reminded how unusual this sport is, compared to others where the participant is getting 'traction' through their feet. Here, riders 'contact' (for the lack of a better word) through their seat and their feet are not meant to do much of anything--"A" reinforces this concept when he asks me how much pressure should be placed in the stirrup: practically nothing! Even though we are asked to drop the weight through our heels, we are not meant to use our feet as balancing points even though our brains tell us that when something is beneath us, we balance there. Phew. Overwhelmed yet? When I put my feet back into the stirrups, I am attentive about not putting much weight... and I feel the support coming from my lower legs!

"A", on the importance of correct posture
My posture is one of my biggest issues and "A" asks me to sit and "hold two pizzas, one in each hand to the side". Immediately my posture is fixed and I sit back appropriately and my chest is open. Now, without changing anything else, grab your reins. HA! I'm also reminded that if Ariel disappeared from underneath me, where might I want to land... not on my backside, that's for sure! So make sure your legs are where they need to be.

I didn't get a lot of time to work on the canter but where I did, I was reminded of the same things we talked about above. Easier said than done! Sheesh. Perhaps next time I"ll have the chance to do more at the canter.

"A", on Ariel and Deb
Imbalances in rider or horse are common. It's based on habits that we develop and we unknowingly strengthen (or loosen) something we're not intending. Hence we each have a dominant/strong side that tends to take over. It shows up in riding when two beings who have different imbalances try to coordinate with one another, physically.

Horses are inherently good and do their best to please their rider. That means that as moody as Ariel can be, it's on me to set her up for success. Otherwise there isn't anyone to blame for failures or struggles except me. Mare did fantastic despite everything!

In the end... there isn't a lot of "new" stuff that I wasn't somehow aware of at some point but rather, a way of refining what I have been taught, and a different way to look at these things. I hope that if you ride, that this little review might have been helpful to get you thinking about some of the things that you might be struggling with. And if not, hopefully this has given you a more in depth look at what it takes to get just the basics right.

Lessons # 210, 211, 212: More Doldrum...

As I mentioned in the last lessons post, nothing noteworthy has been happening and so I haven't found the motivation to post anything. I continue to work on the same things as position and whatnot, over jumps but nothing significant has come out of it so far. I continue to consider the things I am not doing right:

• I'm too handsy when I should be using seat and leg aids
• I am stubborn about using spurs or the crop/bat
• I find myself tending to one seatbone sometimes
• I don't open my chest up enough in corners and don't actually turn my shoulders--hence part of the counter-bending

The only interesting thing has come out of the lessons lately is that I had the opportunity to ride the last 10 minutes or so of a lesson, on Sheri's fancy pants dressage horse, Blue. He's humongous and has so many of those "fancy buttons" like leg yielding at a touch. Riding his strides is like learning all over again b/c if I thought Bons was floaty, this guy is even more so. Certainly, we saw a lot of the issues I've been having, manifesting very clearly while on Blue because he's just SO responsive.

Hopefully if I just am continually diligent about the exercise, I'll see some improvement.

Lesson #208 & #209: Frustrated Enough to Motivate

I haven't written about the last two lessons because nothing has really progressed and there hasn't been any "a-ha" moments either. I am working on jumping courses again but I'm finding myself struggling with my position over jumps, again. While it isn't a big deal... I've been doing courses at a lower height so I feel like I've regressed a bit. It's more injury to the ego than actual regression so I'll take it... for now.

I have been anticipating the jumps recently and I notice that's what's keeping me behind and a poor position. I suspect it's got to do with Ariel's recent stint of counter bending and giving me way more trouble in the arena than I'd like. I haven't let it escalate and she hasn't dragged me out of the arena on her whim, but I'd still like to get that respect back. As well, I seem to have trouble keeping our corners deep. This causes a poor set up usually and it is yet another cause to the issue over fences.

The flat work is mostly fine (it can always be better) but I have had trouble getting Ariel to respect my aids. I might have to resort to crops/bats and spurs again... which I don't really enjoy using but if Ariel is getting a bit sour with poor communication from her rider, I wouldn't be surprised if that's the reasons she's reacting the way she is. I don't blame her either... having clarity during a conversation about what to do is awfully important in my books.

As with all things to do with riding, it starts with the rider and I have been talking my mouth off on this area periodically for some time. I make excuses all the time but in order to get over my rut (both in riding and other areas), I will incorporate a balanced schedule and include other physical activities. Upon further reflection and not enough research, I started the BeFit's 30 Day Fat Burn workout that ScarletPen28 has done. Each video is approximately 10 minutes.

Click to enlarge

Scarlet did this one and another combined; she's crazy. I can only manage this one right now... after doing day 1, I still can't feel my legs and part of my arse. I'm not sure whether to love or hate her for finding this thing. Tonight, I attempt the Cardio Extreme workout. If you don't see another post in the next few days, know that I probably didn't survive that video (10 minutes!! :O) and that +ADW found me curled up in the fetal position in the basement.

Lessons #205, #206, #207: Reinvigorating Goals and Direction

There isn't much to write about with the last few lessons other then I've been working on addressing the right side issue that we discovered 2 weeks back. I try to ride with my right hip relaxes and the leg "falling outwards" so I can keep that in check. It seems that once that hip pulls my right leg in, the rest of my right side follows and that's where the curling inwards comes from. So my lessons are mostly me making the conscious effort to go through the check list at all gaits:

1. Weight in the heels/heels down
2. Right hip open and relaxed so the thigh is off the saddle
3. Hips and lower back relaxed to absorb the movement
4. Chest open and shoulders back and 'down'
5. Looking in the direction I am turning, even for corners
6. Shoulders following my head turn
7. Sitting back/up

Things are coming together more as I am making the conscious effort to ensure that the hip doesn't allow my right leg to collapse. It's really easy to get handsy in the corners instead of using my seat to push Ariel back out and on the right bend.

On Thursday, there were 2 other students in my class and one of them is still working up to getting comfortable with things so it was a good opportunity to focus on flat work. I felt ambitious (though to be honest, I did tell myself I needed to use the time more efficiently) and started weaving in and out of the bending poles that were just standards set in a line. This exercise is difficult even at the walk because you want to use your seat to turn them and not your hands/reins. 

The warm-up consisted of a series of different tasks that for some reason, I felt very comfortable flowing from one to the next...

• Posting trot with and without stirrups
• Sitting trot with and without stirrups
• Adding 2 point position
• Cantering with and without stirrups
• Cantering in a 2 point position
• I even managed to sort myself out to pick up and drop stirrups during canter! A feat that usually leaves me tight and bouncy

On Sunday, I had +ADW pick what we'd do since I usually get to pick on Thursday nights already and I wasn't feeling particularly nervous about anything. I'm glad the picked an over fences lesson because I had done quite a few flat classes recently. We did things pretty low key and kept the jumps low so to get a better feel of the horses' movement over jumps. The lesson went quite well in that we were jumping the course and ended on the highest jump that was set out there at around 2'3" to 2'6". It wasn't pretty which simply means I need to continue working up on the things that I am doing at the lower heights so I am more solid.

Areas of improvement include, but are not limited to:

• Sitting back up between jumps
• Shift our hips back instead of jumping with the horse, over jumps
• Using the space in the arena better so we can appropriately set ourselves up for the jumps
• Looking early for the jump
• Drive with our butts coming into the jump

Hopefully I'll be as diligent with my most recent lessons, for the coming ones so I can continue to improve upon the things I lack. In addition, I am going to be starting ScarletPen's 30 day bottom challenge to address a possible weak backside and start getting in a 45-60 minute yoga session 2-3 times a week. And now that the weather is cooled down, it might not be a bad idea to jump on my bike...

Lesson #204: Quasimodo

The traffic I deal with on week nights really makes me question why I go up in the evenings... especially since right now, I don't work. It took me 30 minutes more than usual, to get up last night. I left early with the hopes that I would have some time to mosey on in. I was SO WRONG. I was even late this time and had to run out into the rain to get a sopping wet Ariel from her paddock and quickly tack up.

Another new student joins the class today. This girl looks to be in her teens and she's returning to lessons after taking time away from riding. That said, I figure it's going to be a pretty low key lesson so I can work on my canter transitions.

After a varying warm-up of posting trot, sitting trot with and without stirrups, I am directed into the canter. The other girl seems to pick it right back up and has no problems at all. I, on the other hand, am struggling with keeping Ariel out at the rail on the right rein and she's falling in and the corners are just plain ol' botched up. I am certain that it has to do with me because as is most of the time, it's a poor rider that gives poor results. Especially with a horse like Ariel who is not particularly forgiving about miscommunication from the rider. While Ariel knows her job and loves to jump (she hates to bend... haha), she demands that her rider is properly clear with her so that she too so that everything flows. After all, the communication means that the rider is giving appropriate physical signals and staying balanced.

It's pointed out I'm using too much rein with the outside one trying to redirect her. Sheri directs me to break down the canter in the arena: trot the long sides and canter going into the corners. Then progressively going into the opposite pattern. The departs and downward transitions are bang on and there is mostly no issues when I'm doing the canter in pieces. It is pointed out to me though, that the cause of the falling in/bad corners is my right side curling in at the corners (I KNOW!!! UGH) and my right leg gripping and coming out of the seat. Seriously, the left side is perfectly fine and that's how my right side should be but isn't. I don't know the cause but I do have to take extra care to keep my chest open and right leg relaxed as much as possible.

I swear I was so frustrated but equally relieved I figured out what the issue is. So now comes the work each and every minute of every single lesson following....

Lesson #203: Seeing the Curve

Saturday's early morning lesson had me working on more jumping but with +ADW. Similar, to the Thursday lesson but two friends joined to watch the lesson because I'm hoping (fingers crossed!!) that at least one of them would decide to take up lessons too. I'm not normally a particularly social person and I enjoy yoga because I can go at my pace and know that I'm my own competitor, but sometimes do find that riding can be a wee bit lonely. ADW rides with me but let's face it, he isn't as "into it" as I (and some of you!) are. So it's nice when adult students join classes--that's what my current Thursday nights are for!

Anyway, the lesson we do is a jumping lesson with J and we spend less time than recently, on the flat. Ariel has been a bit pokey and one of the things I struggle with is picking up the canter when I ask. Sometimes Ariel flat out refuses to move even though I've told her to; it takes a more severe method of reinforcement in those cases. We get right into the jumping. I take a jump (red) on the diagonal but close to the rail and have trouble 'seeing' the ride-in. I don't ride the corner as deep as I should and sometimes come in at a much more gradual curve which leads me to be more handsy.

Totally not drawn to scale... hahaha...

There is still a struggle to get the ride-in just right but it isn't miserable and so we do move onwards to adding more jumps to the course until I ride all the jumps in the arena. I try my best to sit back up once I get through a jump because I have literally ridden more and more forward as the course goes on and as we all know, getting your centre of gravity forward and up is a great way to set yourself up to land on your face.

I didn't mention yet... that ADW is now cantering multiple jumps too!! He's riding a steady gelding who's a great teacher!

Lesson #202: Interspersion

My Thursday class was a jumping lesson in the outdoor sand arena with one of the student's mom who's taking lessons as well. It's her second jumping lesson apparently but honestly, you wouldn't think so.

The start of the lesson has us warming up with the trot and then I move into a sitting trot without stirrups. I still find I have the best balance without stirrups since there's something wrong with my right hip and it tends to collapse at the knee without me consciously thinking about it. I don't know what muscle is causing the issue but it is the biggest issue at this point in time.

Then J says to canter without taking back the stirrups around and around. Ariel and I have a really good lesson. She is responsive and quick without fussing and objecting. To level up this exercise (after taking back the stirrups), we are asked to hold 2 point (jumping) position while placing our outside hand behind the small of our back. The objective is to get our upper body position up and open while our hips go back. This is not too tricky a task which surprises me because I thought I would have difficulty balancing and keeping the turns.

Finally, we move into over fence work. Starting with one is just fine. My position over is mostly good and I don't have major issues. Then we start adding more jumps to create a mini course. One couple of jumps is a line on the diagonal and J reminds me that the middle is flat work and that there is little time to think about much else but to sit up. I have trouble with doing that. For some reason, all my mind can think about is "let's get into a forward position and just hold it". WHY??? Ugh. So I have to really intentionally think about sitting back up in between the jumps. My course work is certainly improving but I have to remember that the flat in between jumps should be ridden as such and "preparing" for all the jumps with a forward position isn't doing me any favours.

Lesson #200: Whips, Crops and Progress

I had a Thursday lesson in the outdoor jumping arena with one of the other youngsters. She just got a new horse (went from bossy mare pony previously) to a new gelding. He's still new so I don't know a lot about him. I pulled Ariel from her paddock and she's covered in mud despite only having been on there for about 30 minutes and wearing a fly sheet. Seriously. After getting right in those nooks and crannies, I saddled her and we went off to the outdoor. For some reason, it was a super busy night (usually it's just me and MAYBE one other) so both indoor and outdoor were being used.

I incorporated bending and circles into the trot warm up but noticed that my right leg tends to hug Ariel too much and she ends up leaning on my leg. During one circle, she leaned so much on my leg that she tripped--not something that typically happens. She's also more pokey and slow than usual probably because she's got a slightly heavier work load with all the kiddies wanting to ride and show her!

The rest of the lesson is mostly just working on the flat at trot and canter and transitions. I have been doing yoga this past week and notice that my balance and whatnot is better and I'm able to initiate the canter transitions more effectively. I suppose it helps that I had a dressage whip too. BTW, I didn't realize that the way to use a dressage whips is different than a crop/bat!

Riders generally know this but for those who read the blog and aren't aware... there is a continuum of severity in communicating with your horse. It's like I was always told to ask, ask louder, demand. I personally prefer not to use one because I find it distracts my position but some days, I need extra help.

Top: dressage whip; below: crop/bat

Crop/Bat: after asking and asking louder, you can demand your request with the bat/crop by angling it towards the shoulder and tapping them with it. And if that doesn't work and you need more go, get that thing behind your leg and give them a good smack with it. Nobody (including horses) like getting hit so they'll likely move forward.

Dressage whip: you hold this piece on your thigh and when you require the "demand", you simply lift it and tap it against your leg because it's flexible enough to 'kiss' their hinds to get them moving. When you're not using it, you want to avoid accidentally tapping them so direction is down a bit, against your thigh. With the dressage whip, your position remains more consistent since you're not moving your arm as much.

Back to the lesson: I tried to maintain the canter without breaking so I have to remember to sit back when I ride and not lean forward. Continuing on the flat work, I am asked to do some leg yield and wow, what a hot mess for both of us!! It isn't a very successful portion of the lesson and I'll need to come back to it another time.

To finish the lesson, I am asked to do some jumping of single jump. The first one I take is a nice low one where the pole is placed on the seat of two patio chairs (so not all that high but a good start). My first try was actually quite successful and I felt good about it. J asked me to move it up a notch and try the two wood crates/boxes that are about 2'6 in height and also a source of anxiety formerly. I am really happy to report that that jump didn't phase me at all and while my position is still a work in progress, I didn't freak out while riding into the jump and my recovery following a poor position was quick.

Lesson #199: Flat Work Faults

Our lesson on Saturday saw us get back into jumping. We've been taking it kind of easy lately so it's exciting to get back into jumping. We started the lesson with the usual trot warm up and focus on bending and keeping our corners nice and clean. We also do some exercises with downward transitions where I don't allow Ariel to just fall into the transition down. This is tough because I have to collect Ariel and sometimes it doesn't feel like anything is actually happening or my back starts to seize and I lose that movement with Ariel. I seem to only get that movement when I really concentrate on sitting trot but when I try to initiate anything else, I go from going smoothly with Ariel's movement to bumpity bumpity bump and things start falling apart.

Canter transitions upwards continue to be a struggle because my movement with Ariel contradicts when I try to initiate it and my upper body falls forward and Ariel simply speeds up. It's tricky but I have to get myself to sit back so far that it feels like I'm leaning back. The main initiator is the inside seat-bone but lately I've been having trouble getting that seat-bone in and my outside seat-bone has actually been the one that's unevenly doing what I don't want it to.

Finally, we work on jumping! The jumps set up are around 2'3 to 2'6 and I'm asked to take one at a time at the canter but with the struggles I've had, I have issues getting the canter when I want and I have to circle a few times but that only seems to discombobulate me even more. At the end of the lesson, we determine that my jumping is coming along and that I'm able to get up after the landing, even if it's not very good, quickly but the flat work is where I fall short because let's face it, I can't take that long to pull myself together. In the hunter ring, you have a limited number of tries to recollect yourself before you're disqualified--I think it's once or twice to circle. In the good news department, +ADW has started cantering the jumps too!

Who thought that after all the flat work I've been doing lately hasn't quite translated into my transitions on the flat and being able to get going when I want to. Hopefully I get the opportunity to work on transitions on Thursday night...

Lesson #198: Winning!

The show season is in full swing and this season, Ariel's been doing amazing! She's placing at every show she's gone to and now all the kiddies want to ride her and take her to their show. Which means I have a somewhat slow and pokey pony some days b/c she'd rather be out in her paddock bossing around the other horses. Despite that, I have been diligent with keeping on top of my game with her and reminding her who's boss because I don't want another "incident" like the last.

We had another flat lesson just putzing around the outdoor going over canter poles and focusing on position and balance and all that fun stuff. I was also determined to not need the crop/bat, again so I was pretty serious with the mare right from the get go, about what we were doing. I admit, I am getting tired of kicking her to get us going when she's ignoring me but sometimes it has to be done.

The sitting trot was pretty good, and it's the first time in a few weeks that Sheri's taught my lesson and she commented that things are looking pretty good! I said that I was pretty determined the last several lessons and focused on the flat quite intensely. My hips are moving the way they should, now... and I'm not bouncing around as much and not leaning forward. But it still requires a conscious effort b/c it's simply easier not to do all that.

Then we get into canter and changed the trot poles into canter poles on the long side. My canter transitions continue to need a lot of work... We are still chasing her into the transition and she's counter flexing. I am SURE it's because of me... but what that is? I have yet to figure out. We do manage to get into the transition eventually but usually with really big mess up there. Then my right foot manages to fall out of the stirrup and so I decide to toss both and just ride it. Sheri asks me if I did so intentionally and I caught a smile crack when I told her that I managed to canter without stirrups a couple lessons ago! She laughed and said that it was pretty good considering I chickened out last time! hehe

Despite being a low key lesson, I found that there was both progress and some consistent struggles. I would hope that we might amp it up next lesson and I'd start doing some more technical things, really focusing on transitions or doing a few jumps to get me back into it.

Lesson #196 & 197: Human Banana

I worked on the same things during the last two lessons in an effort to continue to improve.

Trot

I started with flat work in trot at sitting trot, with and without stirrups. I've been working on this so much lately that I have had actual progress. To add to the complexity of this section of the lesson, we ride in the outdoor arena which has a course set up so we weave in and out of the jumps with lots of bending and circles. One thing I notice is that I seem to have an uneven seat that causes Ariel to counter bend and drift out of the arena. Often by the time I realized it was happening, it is too late to correct it and I struggled with looking like I was drunk while riding.

I need to get my positioning right and my lower leg needs to move back a bit and I have to sit up more... like a human banana bent backwards and not forwards.

Canter

Cantering transitions continue to be difficult as I can't find consistency in striking off. Sometimes we speed up at the trot or absolutely nothing happens unless I'm holding a bat/crop. However, I want to do this all properly, without the need for artificial aids. I am reminded to drop my inside seat bone while sitting the trot (or walk) and sweeping my outside leg back while sitting up and back. This is more than a mess at this point but I'll be continuing to work on it in the next lessons.

Same here, my positioning is the one thing that is most affecting my poor communication to Ariel. More thoughts on the human banana.

Jumping

I'm not sure why but I've felt like jumping these last two lessons so I took a few tries. I went with a single jump for now since it's courses that throw me off... the first jump has been fine and then I become a discombobulated mess following leading to an increasingly messy course. I took whatever jump was set up that was on the quarter line and I wasn't intimidated at all. I still need work on the approach but the actual point where we take off and fly over has been fine. J tells me that I've been going over the 2'3" jump without any hesitation so that's good! It's a matter of refinement and consistency while going over. Hopefully it'll come together again and I"ll be jumping those courses again.

The ride in, should incorporate the human banana but a 2-point isn't so much a human banana...

Goals

My goals for riding include the 2'3" course with consistency and getting my fitness levels up because my biggest barrier is actually my physical limitations and not so much mental. Opening up my hips and getting my back strong again will help me get into that human banana shape much more easily.

Lesson #193, 194 & 195: Dogged Determination

There hasn't been a lot to report on, in the last couple of weeks. That, and I spent an afternoon in the local ER due to a health related concern that I don't have answers to, quite yet. I'm not the type to worry until I know what there is to worry about... we'll know when I demand some tests from my regular doctor. In addition, whatever it was took me out for a week and I'm still having some difficulties being 100%.

But enough about the boring stuff that remains a mystery and out of my control; let's talk about the last 3 lessons! We focused on flat work. I hadn't been feeling up to any jumping and I wanted to gain some mastery with the sitting trot rather than continue to bounce around on top of Ariel. So away I went... lesson after lesson doing nothing other than sitting trot.

J pointed out that he knew when I was doing it wrong (that is, absorbing the motion incorrectly) when the pony tail hanging down my back was bouncing along with me. He reminded me to sit back (which feels like I'm leaning right back) and to absorb with my hips and abs. Apparently it's a momentary "on/off" contraction of muscles; as solid contraction or lack thereof would result in the incorrect motion. So around and around I went... with and without stirrups. Sometimes it was successful and other times (often) it wasn't. I also got into some canter just to keep things interesting and I practiced the dreaded figure 8 exercise that would have the transition of the lead at the centre of the figure. I determined to do the simple change since that was what I was struggling with in the past. I would say things were getting better since I was able to accomplish that when I asked (and when I was late, Ariel did the autochange for us). I also mustered the courage to canter without stirrups since several lessons ago, Sheri asked me to do it but I totally chickened out. I did it!! It started out as me losing my stirrup and going around without them. I came back down just fine so figured, this might mean I can do it without, period! It is tricky though... because it's easy to grip with your knees and curl forward because the horse is speeding up or you're getting nervous.

One of the things I did struggle with remains the smooth and consistent canter transitions as well as my own twisty body. Transitions remain tricky as I tend to lean forward when asking and thus putting Ariel on the forehand. I also wanted to get the transitions without the need for artificial aids like the bat/crop. Like most horses, Ariel sped up when her rider is holding one but I that meant that i was doing something wrong when she would speed up the trot or simply ignore me. I spent my lessons determined not to use them until I was pretty beat fighting with the mare. My twisty body added to the complications and I would torque outwards and so Ariel was doing the same counter bend. Actively telling myself to open up my chest and keeping my shoulders down and back was really challenging since all the other stuff needed my attention too.

During the last lesson, +ADW and I swapped things up again and I hopped on Molson while he practiced his sitting trot on Ariel (apparently the easier of the two). J teased me and said that if we were to do that, I'd need to jump on Molson. I felt more myself and confidently accepted the challenge. We didn't do anything exciting since anyone jumping with the "King of the Long Spot" usually would crap their paints after riding a horse like Ariel. Molson and I went off just fine even though he did his usual power up 3 strides into the jump and I did my usual "omg I'm going to die". We didn't do half bad considering I was crapping my pants up there but I needed to give him more of a release. Yea right. Give more release to a horse that tends to drop his front end. The trick to try? Place both my hands on his neck as we are coming into the jump to give him the release and to get my into the right position over. Worked like a charm! If you can maintain the courage not to pull back and just go with it.

So while it wasn't back with me jumping the 2'3" course, I did pull myself together enough to progress with the sitting trot and got over the fear of riding jumps with the Molson.

Lesson #190, 191, 192: Catching Up

This was a quiet lesson where it was just me, Ariel and Sheri.

I had a really good time with this lesson because we worked on me getting through some jumps on a small course level. After our warm-up, Sheri had designated two jumps for me to work on some course stuff. For the most part, things were going quite well but I continue to curl up a bit at jumps and as I'm reminded, that could go really badly if something goes wrong. I am running out of ideas to get me sitting up most of the time. Maybe it's my poor posture or something but I probably should get moving on that by now.

That said, two jumps that she reversed the direction and guess what? I took them in the same direction as before. *facepalm* We both knew what I did wrong and I chuckled, "this is why I won't show. I can't even remember a course of TWO jumps!" LOLOL. Of course, the reverse direction was a problem for me because it's the direction that both Ariel and I have issues with. It all starts with me, and then trickles to her because while she is capable, it doesn't take a lot to mess her up.

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My Saturday lesson was the lesson before heading out to Calgary Stampede. +ADW was already west so it was just me and another adult student. She was working solely on the flat and was in a dressage saddle. We both started a typical warm-up round and round and then I got started on a jump on a bending line (?) because it was placed at C along the rail so I had to take it while coming in on a bend and not straight away. It was a low jump but it went pretty well and I was rather pleased with myself! Not terribly exciting, this one... just one focus for the day. :)

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Our first lesson back was the following Saturday and we rode outside. I am not a fan of riding outside... I think it might be the wind rushing past you or the fact that Ariel gets easily distracted but I know I'm always on a slight increased level of alertness. And I'm sure the mare is picking up on that vibe and equally a little more buzzy.

I was hopeful though, that our trail ride during our visit to Banff would loosen up my hips. I did ride that trail ride in the mountains without stirrups for majority of it because my legs are so short that I needed the kiddie ones but they just weren't sitting right so I said screw it. More on that ride later. My hip was a little more put together and not feeling as tight as it usually does.

We did some small course work to just get me back into things but man was Ariel putting up a fuss. It was probably due to my twisted side not twisting properly and so I was like a human pretzel up there, trying to tell her to go one way only to be miscommunicating because it wasn't right the way mare wanted it. Fair... she's honest about being bang on and not making assumptions. Something I do pride myself on but also now realize that reading between the lines would be SO appreciated sometimes! :P

Lesson #188: Baby's Got Her Grove Back

The last few weeks have turned my brief success into a distant memory. It's as if things were regressing and I had no control of what was happening. But this ride on Thursday was right on. I was in a lesson with 2 students: both skilled riders and young so there is a certain level of intimidation but I have ridden with both before so I just said whatever. Besides, I'm shorter than one of the girls so... LOL.

I get the impression that it's going to be a pretty intense lesson with few breaks. I'm right... the warm up consisted of a proper posting trot going around. Then, we dropped stirrups. Once we changed direction and then went at it a few times, we were asked ... canter. Me? Surely you must mean the other two? Nope, me too. I chickened out said I wasn't feeling confident about that and pulled my stirrups back. In hindsight, I probably should have just said whatever but like I said, I've been having more and more doubts with my own ability and I'm finding that a lot of this sport has to do with one's confidence in their ability rather than actual ability... hold on. Not to say that you should go running out there to do whatever but your instructor is on the ground and has been watching you ride for a while... they know what you're capable of so they're not going to ask you to do something you're uncomfortable with. It's all in my head, I think.

I pushed Ariel to canter the rounds (with stirrups) and we just trucked around in pretty good form. Next, we're asked to take jumps one at a time building them into a course of 3-4 jumps. I got as far as taking a nice low vertical and then another vertical with a little gate underneath, a 2'6" lattice jump that was on the narrow side and finally, another vertical with skids underneath! I GOT OVER!! The entire course was done at a canter too and while my biggest weakness continues to be clenching into the fetal position and getting on Ariel's forehand, it wasn't all that bad! I felt in control and my position was (for the most part) not too shabby.

Sheri said that despite the usual shortcomings I've consistently been struggling with, I got over the course just fine and I looked way more relaxed than in the past little while. Things do feel great and I'm really excited to progress and hopefully get back on track!

Lessons #186 & 187: A cumulation of events

This post will be short since not a lot has been going on, in lessons. My Thursday night lesson was pretty much all flat work with me working on getting Ariel to canter and doing the trot and just focusing on position. In short, it was merely a lesson that I spent focusing on keeping me in check. But, I have been really tired lately that things are falling a bit on the wayside, even during lessons.

My Saturday ride was equally unexciting in terms of the lesson itself. I spent it puttering around on the flat and trying to maintain flexion with Ariel. She was being particularly cranky and bossy this lesson so I spent the better part of it getting her to listen to me. I know she's been testing me for weeks now. The end of this lesson was way messy. I have been expecting another event like this to happen though; Ariel took over and just ignored me and wouldn't listen to me at all. It was awful. And, if I wasn't as tired and just out of sorts, I would have probably been more embarrassed. It got to the point where Sheri had to come out to get Ariel into the arena again, after she refused my aids and decided she'd rather return to the stable. *mortified*

We all know this mare is very dominant and she is constantly testing things to see when she can surpass me, in our relationship. This seems to happen every few weeks so I know I have to be way more consistently diligent about getting what I want. "Ride through it" is my new motto. Even if that means I get unseated or otherwise. Better than letting her win, in this case.

She even flipped me the bird when I was returning her to her paddock. *siiiigh*

P.s. I have not forgotten about the "news"! Things are in flux sooner than I expected so I haven't gotten around to putting it out there. Stay tuned!!

Lesson #185: Canter Woes

The last lesson I had, we discovered that the saddle I'm using is not well suited for my strange body. That said, it is not going to break my learning trend so I haven't really looked seriously into getting a saddle. In the meantime, I tried a schooling 17 inch saddle to see if it was better. The primary consensus is that I am not struggling with the same pommel issues I was, with the 16.5. But, that doesn't mean that the saddle is necessarily fit better for me. I'm not sure if maybe the height of the pommel is simply the problem because there really isn't much else that seems to bother me. Sheri also said that saddles can be customized quite a bit so it is possible that the "ready to wear" sizing that is generally available isn't the problem.

For now, I'll sort out stuff with either the 16.5 or 17 depending on which is available. As a few readers mentioned, as long as it fits the mount, then the rider can probably make do with whatever is available since lessons usually range 45-60 minutes at twice a week so it's not THAT much. My conclusion is simply to continue with what I have but if something amazing comes by, I'll consider it.

Back to the lesson.

We sort out a pole course again. +ADW said he found it helpful to sort out distance and whatnot since Molson treats poles as jumps. LOLOLOL. I was initially told to add in a wall jump at the end. I figured it should be fine but I spent so much time trying to sort out the stupid canter with Ariel that it just never materialized. We only managed to get through the lesson over the poles because I was all over the place and having difficulty to get that mare to canter. It was so incredibly frustrating b/c I haven't had issues in a while now and I'm not a newbie any more. Because I struggled to get her going, my lower legs were everywhere and it created other issues up top. I was SO FRUSTRATED.

As usual, that frustration was probably translated over and that also contributed to the issue. I did manage the course a few times but it felt completely out of control, again. I hate that feeling that Ariel is going way too fast for me to keep up. But that's exactly it, eh? I am trying to keep up when I should be the one dictating our lesson.

It was pretty sucky that it didn't go too well but life goes on, right? Plus I've got some exciting news for y'all, soon!

Lesson #184: Saddles

Lately, I've been having a good experience with Ariel in the paddocks. She comes towards me when I arrive and call her. She isn't ignoring me like she has done in the past and best, she isn't trying to turn tail and run the other way! She had her feet done though, so she was a bit sore and getting her to do anything was a full effort. And I am way out of shape. But we all already knew that.

The warm up was really challenging because I was trying to keep her straight, in the arena and willing to walk over the water puddle. She was completely difficult and being crabby about it all. She's just feeling a little toe sore so no jumping (phew) and working on my position, says Sheri. Easier said than done, my friends!! This was definitely a challenge for me to accomplish all that, and keep focused on where I wanted to go. Needless to say, we were pretty messy up there.

Eventually we got into the canter and what I was asked to do is go into a half seat and just ride her like I'm a racing jockey. Round and round we go! She wanted to slow down but I said "no way. We continue to go". It was not easy and it's the first time I have had to really push her to move forward. It's something I haven't had to deal with, with Ariel, like ever. I was most certainly huffing and puffing.

Deb sure was insistent tonight. But I got the better of her a few times!--Ariel 

Our last exercise was trotting around without stirrups. I have definitely been handsy with Ariel but she was being difficult! The aim here? Flow together like we're dancing. I am sure it was less of a flowing ballroom dance and more of a jerky Elaine dance. I was told to let go with my knees (gripping), readjust my lower leg position so I wasn't leaning forward, pulsating squeezes to encourage forward movement. In all that effort, we discovered that the saddle is probably too small for me.

I am on my way to becoming sucked into this whole thing (as if I wasn't already drinking the koolaid!) and turning into a tack whore. Okay that's not entirely true. But I always said, I'm not going to get a saddle unless I own a horse. I started out getting all decked out in the appropriate riding gear. I still wear regular tshirts and such but breeches I have and a helmet and riding gloves for all seasons. Then I moved onwards... to saddle pads and a bridle. Now I have started to consider a saddle!

Our conversations about saddles was typically just in passing. I always thought that as long as it fits the horse and it is generally good for riders, we're good. Wrong. No wonder this is such an expensive sport... the saddle must fit both team members for optimal efficiency. I sort of always thought that and I found out that one of the reasons I tend to lean forward is because of the saddle!! Yes, it's not an absolute explanation but it certainly does contribute to things. And those tough as nails types would say, just suck it up. A good rider can ride without a saddle (that's true) so just learn to ride without one!

We'll look into this a bit more.. in case any readers in the Ontario area might know of a suitable saddle, I'm looking for a medium tree with a size of 17 or so with a lower pommel. For those saddle whores out there, you probably know WAY more so feel free to add details and comment! I certainly don't claim to be an expert of any nature about this stuff!