Wednesday, March 1, 2017

(Knowing) What I Want

I just finished reading week and I am more pooped than when I started it. The first few days of the break had me doing absolutely nothing.

Not a damn thing
And it felt really good... for the first few hours when I got to sleep in... then my mind started turning, thinking about coming mid-terms and assignments/reports because the reality is that I have two this week, another next week and a major assignment and another smaller assignment all due within 14 days of returning. I've also started looking for summer positions to expand my experience because I won't be applying to the OVC until January 2018; my aim is to stand out, against other applicants who have higher grades.

Everybody panic!
The panic conveniently serves to keep me motivated to get my stuff done because I maintain an odd calm sense of control over a precarious set of tasks, where I'm a juggler with all the balls in the air and I've got most of them under control. Honestly, I surprised myself when I managed various social commitments as well as non-academic work, (minimal) house work and the actual academic work. This embodies a philosophy I had when I was in school, about keeping just busy enough not to let an idle mind take over. Mind you, I had no idea what I was actually doing at that point in my life...

My friend JR has been having her own struggles and asked me, how the heck I stay motivated over this period (~6mos) and not want to crawl into a hole and sleep a million years. I figured that it has to do with the fact that I finally grew up and found something I have a keen interest in. I spent almost a decade of my best years in early adulthood working to pay the bills, and it was logically the thing to be doing because it's socially expected.

Break out of the norm!

Last week at work, I met a client who struck me as sharp, on the ball and particularly observant; I found out she was a senior project manager for a large corporate chain but was let go due to restructuring and decided to return to teacher's college in her 40s. We chatted a bit and she said that at first, she was really pissed to be let go because she was good at her job, enjoyed it and was financially secure. But, that she's never been happier than for having been given the opportunity to do that soul searching and be brave enough to decide not to seek another PM job but to give OISE a try and become a teacher.

She and I are not the common denominator and in many ways, we are both the exception. As stressful and busy as things get, I continually feel with even more certainty that I am exactly where I should be.

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