Reflecting on my 'Summer of George'

My bad habit finally caught up with me and was amplified with a poor decision. Or maybe that's two bad habits that seemed to come together, only one has a change in the usual suspect...? Ladies and gents, I have been holed up at home for the last ~3 weeks because (wait for it...) I broke my knee (tibial plateau fracture) and wrist. My biggest baddest habit is looking down when riding a jump, which means my upper body collapses and follows. My other baddest habit is bailing last minute; except in this case, I actually bailed my mount. I'm neither happy or proud at the outcome.

I was riding on a Tuesday afternoon and been riding a horse who's attention span is maybe 10 seconds. He's capable, agreeable and a big suck so a good ride if you can sort yourself out with him, but I have been struggling with him after the BSJ and been unsuccessful. All the bad habits and fears and paranoia rears its ugly head when I ride him. But, I didn't take the tumble from him... it was from another bombproof solid been-there-done-it-all hunter mount. The line approach was perfectly fine but my upper body went down, my mind stopped riding, and I decided that it would be better to bail than pull myself together.

My own version of "summer of George"

After knee surgery and a hot pink fibre-glass cast, I have been forcibly admitted to my own "summer of George"; spending days indoors (not a bad thing with the temperatures we've been having), permanently in my pyjamas in the same chair getting caught up on a lot of TV and blogging. But, I had so much planned this summer and all of it has been dashed to pieces. Needless to say, I've been depressed on several occasions and I regularly have to be reminded by the ever patient and supportive +ADW that "LIFE HAPPENS" and at least I'll be getting better day by day--it isn't permanent, he'd add.

With all the new found free time, I have been reflecting (see, obsessing) about why I'd have two falls within a small time-frame. I'm not implying I was an amazing rider previously, but I was far more willing and confident about jumps, courses and anything else that was thrown at me when I rode. I rarely refused to ride a jump and wanted to learn everything and anything and a greener horse was not usually something that unsettled me either.

I tell myself it's not that I am incapable of riding... a few things come up though:

• Not reflecting on my lessons to determine what went well and what needs improvement--I've gotten complacent and stopped blogging regularly this year.
• Ignoring my developing physical limitations that hinder me, and not righting them with more fervor.
• Allowing negative self-talk to interfere with my self-confidence when riding.
• Expecting perfection without more work from myself.

I'm sure everyone can relate to at least one of the thoughts above, getting in the way of their own successes. It is my unwavering goal that I will take this lesson with enormity and rectify the 'wrongs' that I have let creep in.